We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
