Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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