I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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