I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
