He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
