allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
