Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
