Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
True but thats because hes a fetus.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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