I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize