goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
