Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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