and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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