i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize