You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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