your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
