He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
