I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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