I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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