I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
