Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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