Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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