i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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