so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
