I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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