just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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