I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
