i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
