Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
