I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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