Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
