He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
