I am full of burrito and curiosity
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
