there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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