I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
