I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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