phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize