Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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