I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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