Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
