I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
