When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
