He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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