During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
