god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
