I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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