I smell stomach acid.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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