Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
