After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
