Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
