his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
