1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
