You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
