I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
