he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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