youre lurking in front of me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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