All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
