And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
