great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
