Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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