I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
