Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
