I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
