Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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